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I was reminded the other night that I absolutely cannot stand it when a woman says how much she prefers little boys to little girls, would much rather have a son than a daughter, or in any other way comments upon how much harder, more emotional, more unpleasant, and more undesirable girls are than boys. Really? You can stand there as a woman who was once a little girl, and devalue girls to another woman? Do you ever wonder why women are considered to be of lesser value than men in our culture? Maybe because so many women have internalized girl- and woman-hating values, and treat their own children accordingly? Just saying.

I love my boys. I would have loved to have had a girl. Girl-hating women piss me off.

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
fullygoldy
Jun. 4th, 2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
Arggh! I don't know that I ever heard that from anyone, but then I've got one of each. I know that having come from an all girl family, and "knowing what boys like" I still more often than not have to throw up my hands and say "What the hell do I do with a SON?!" That doesn't make me a boy-hating woman, and I can't imagine being a girl-hating woman either.
It's possible that in some twisted way they think they're being supportive of the young mom with 3 boys, but GET A GRIP, women! Devaluing anyone isn't the best way to make friends and influence people.
nayad
Jun. 4th, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC)
The latest woman to make such a comment in my presence didn't know I had boys, as far as I know - she was expressing the opinion that she would only want to have a child if she could be certain she would have a boy - but probably some of the comments I've heard have come from that misguided wish to be supportive. The message overshadows the motivation, though. There are lots of ways to talk about boys being wonderful, without saying that girls are terrible.
greyduck
Jun. 4th, 2007 11:56 pm (UTC)
I haven't noticed even one thing that tips the scales in terms of my son or my daughter being the more "difficult" one to raise that has anything at all to do with the fact that they're a boy or a girl. They're both challenging in different ways, but I could've just as easily found myself dealing with an extroverted & moody son and an introverted & fussbudgety daughter as with the pair of kids I actually ended up with.

Crazy talk.
ex_maehymn
Jun. 5th, 2007 12:09 am (UTC)
Ugh, I feel like everywhere I look, I encounter women perpetuating shittiness against other women. Partly probably because I just finished a book called "Catfight" about women and competition, but also because I see it happen all the fucking time. I feel like the older I get, the more aware of how covertly defensive and territorial women are towards other women and just how much social programming we all carrying around with us that is archaic. I thought being highly educated would make me immune from this ridiculous shit, but it hasn't.

I would think that it is so hard to raise kids of any gender. How do you raise a good man, one that isn't afraid of his emotions, in this culture? How do you raise a good woman who isn't afraid to be smart and not rely on leading with her sexuality, in this culture?

That sounds like someone who got considerably devalued herself as a child, and it's unfortunate that she doesn't have the self-awareness to understand that before passing it along---to her sons, if she has any, who will probably view women in much the same way she does.
owlface1
Jun. 5th, 2007 12:15 am (UTC)
Wow. Its pretty crazy that someone would say that about their kid. I mean i hear about how boys have so much energy and such but to imply that you would have it differently is not good.
I guess thats kinda how unhealthy behavior propigates itself.

hope the child didn't overhear.

I think it would be cool to have some of both.

this post is making my head spin for some reason...
bzdchris
Jun. 5th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC)
I was certain that my second son was a girl while s/he was still inside me, and I was excited about that. Her name was going to be Crystal Rose - Rosie for short. When s/he turned out to be a he, my doctor was concerned about me being disappointed but Matthew Orion was such a sweet, beautiful little baby, I just thought the doc was being silly and said pish-posh.

I've sometimes wondered how my parenting would have been different if I'd had a girl child, but I honestly don't think it would have been. I'm proud that my son Matt is a gentleman, even if he is a playa with naked lady pictures on his bedroom walls. He is a guy, after all.
hal_obrien
Jun. 5th, 2007 01:20 am (UTC)
Peeve
Yeah... That strikes me as, um, less thank fully mindful.
hal_obrien
Jun. 5th, 2007 01:21 am (UTC)
Re: Peeve
"Than" rather than "thank," even.
skoolgrrl
Jun. 5th, 2007 02:22 am (UTC)
question...
Are you now devaluing a woman???
I hear your story it's true; just feeling like I have to represent;P Every woman has her faults, I would say, but this one is truly a good person (if I have the right friend in mind). She wanted a daughter so very badly before her son so I think she might be surprised that she is happy with him;P But I can really only speak for myself.
nayad
Jun. 5th, 2007 11:05 am (UTC)
Re: question...
The woman I'm talking about doesn't have any children.

That's an interesting thought, about whether or not I'm devaluing a woman by being put off by her opinions about girls. I am not saying that she is flawed *because* she is female. Every *person* has faults. However, I'm saying that she has accepted negative ideas about the nature of girls, and that I am bothered when women are willing to advance those ideas. This may not be entirely her fault, because the idea that "girls are difficult" seems to be widespread - I can't tell you how many times I've heard it, but it's been a lot - but it's the lack of evaluation of that idea that bothers me, especially when it comes from someone who has actually *started life* as a girl.
nayad
Jun. 5th, 2007 11:07 am (UTC)
Re: question...
So anyway, PS - this rant has been coming on for a long time, and is not directed at a single person, so much as a societal phenomenon enacted by many women I've met.
skoolgrrl
Jun. 5th, 2007 11:11 pm (UTC)
Re: question...
sorry to be presumptuous. i just thought i had a hunch and was feeling protective:)

i get what you mean, though. and i feel like one can't be harder than the other...they're hard in different ways, i would think. though, i'm not talking from experience;P

xxx
roguebitch
Jun. 6th, 2007 12:25 am (UTC)

I think that raising a boy, for me, would be hard -- because I'm not a boy. I suspect there are just aspects of doing so that I would be totally winging it, even moreso than I do as the mother of a girl. But I don't think either is inherently more difficult -- just different. I feel bad that people carry around those sort of stereotypes and also perpetuate them.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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