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Lessons in Cause and Effect

The scene is set in the great room of an exurban home in the Midwest. Three boys (ZANE, 7, INNES, 5, and FELIX, 2) sit on a couch in pajamas, watching cartoons on a Saturday morning. MOMMY is in the process of preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

INNES: GrrrROWL!

FELIX: Waaaaaaaaaah! (runs toward kitchen)

MOMMY: Innes, you're not allowed to growl at the baby. Don't do that again.

(FELIX returns to the couch. Three minutes pass.)

INNES: GrrrrrrROOOOOOWWWWWLLL!!!

FELIX: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

ZANE: MOM-my, Innes just growled at Felix again!

MOMMY: I know, Zane. I know.

(MOMMY goes into the living room)

MOMMY: Innes, I told you not to growl at Felix. If you do it again, you'll have a time-out in your room for five minutes. Do you understand? Also, it takes me longer to get your food ready if I have to stop to come in here, so please don't fight with your brothers.

INNES (looking sweet and innocent): Yes, Mommy.

(MOMMY returns to the kitchen. Two minutes pass.)

INNES: GrrrrROWL! Rarr! ROOOAAAAAARRRR!!!

FELIX: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! Mama! Mama! (runs toward kitchen)

ZANE: Mommy! Innes keeps growling at Felix! And he's kicking me!

MOMMY: I KNOW, Zane.

(MOMMY goes to the living room, scooping up FELIX on the way. She sets FELIX on the couch next to ZANE.)

MOMMY: Come on, Innes--you need a time-out.

(INNES lets loose a bellow of shock, anger, and dismay.)

INNES: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I promise I won't do it again! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(MOMMY picks up all 46 pounds of distraught INNES and carries him toward the stairs).

INNES: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I WANT COMPANY! I'M HUNGRY! NO! NO! NO!

MOMMY: It's just for five minutes. You can come out when the last number on the clock (points) is a 3.

(MOMMY deposits INNES in the bedroom and closes the door. Yelling continues).

***

Can I get a time-out?

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Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
busman1994
Nov. 16th, 2008 03:21 am (UTC)
Now,
if he can remember this episode longer than the average goldfish, he might actually avoid being carried away. He would still annoy you twice, but move on to something else before the punishment kicks in.
fingle
Nov. 16th, 2008 03:31 am (UTC)
The answer must be a big bag of Kid Chow and a room you can just hose down every once-in-while...

You can let them out when they're old enough to shave!
nayad
Nov. 16th, 2008 04:03 am (UTC)
If then.

;)
bzdchris
Nov. 16th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC)
Perhaps he's been infected by naughty alien beings. :-)

Just remember, 10 years from now, you'll look back on these days with fondness.

Really.

I'm not kidding.

BTW, your momness rocks. Rock on!
kelly_swails
Nov. 16th, 2008 10:13 pm (UTC)
*snicker* I probably find this humorous because I don't have kids. If you manage to raise three boys without killing one of them you are headed for sainthood, my friend.
nayad
Nov. 17th, 2008 10:22 pm (UTC)
It is funny! About a day later. *g*
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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