Dear Wisconsin Drivers:

1. Drive somewhere around the posted speed limit, won't you? Going ten or more miles an hour under the number on the sign is meant for hazardous conditions. Talking on your cell phone and driving is arguably hazardous, I'll give you that, so perhaps you could pull over, finish the call, and let we the unfortunates behind you get on with our lives.

2. If you aren't one of the slow drivers, perhaps you're the other kind. My nemesis, the tailgater. Imagine my glee when I'm stuck behind a slow driver, unable to pass, while you drive your impatient self right on up to my bumper and attempt to penetrate my vehicle. No means no, jackass. And I'm not slowing down to piss you off; I'm slowing down to leave space to stop in case the leader of this little parade slams on the brakes. This may save you a ticket and many costly repairs. Consider CHILLING OUT.

*ahem*

Speaking of chilling out, I believe that there's a beer with my name on it in the refrigerator. You've driven me to drink, people. To drink!

Sincerely,
Nayad